Bookshelf

🎨 Impressions

Author Ryan Holiday is the guy best known for his tremendous success popularizing the ancient Stoic wisdom in our modern times. He wrote a bunch of bestsellers, all dealing with a specific aspect of Stoicism each. Although still a relatively young guy, he has settled into becoming a bookstore owner and making this his center of attention, next to his family of course. Before he entered the Stoicism arena, he worked in marketing and this resulted in his first real hit book, “Trust Me I’m Lying,” which is the only one of his I’ve read before. It was also his work that led to billionaire and Trump advisor Peter Thiel being exposed as the guy who backed professional wrestler Hulk Hogan in a lawsuit that brought down online magazine Gawker, which was Thiel’s hidden goal. The story is one of the most intriguing actual conspiracies of recent times.

Holiday is a prolific guy. He also once ran the original marathon from the Greek city of Marathon to Athens—on his own, without the annual race, just for the spiritual experience of it, after reading Haruki Murakami who had done the same as well.

In 2016 he published “The Daily Stoic,” his first book with the gimmick of providing the reader with one page to read for each day of the year, amounting to 366 pages in case you read it during a leap year. He followed up on the success by writing “The Daily Dad” and publishing it in 2023, using the same idea but focussing on the subject of parenthood.

I know he’s a father of two small kids but I’m skeptical of people handing out parenting advice when their kids are just in the kindergartener stage. He navigates this gracefully, though, never coming across like a know-it-all when he in fact doesn’t, but rather humbly, looking for the wisdom others have shared and compiling it lovingly.

He structured the twelve months of the year by topic, which is a smart idea. There’s a huge overlap though. And that leads me to my main criticism of the book, which is how repetitive it all is. It feels like certain pages, or days, are nearly identical with some others.

Just for fun I wrote down my own one-sentence summary of each day while reading it, and many times I really struggled to find something to type that wasn’t the exact same sentence as one a few pages before it.

The advice itself is all quite pleasant and nice, but there’s no breathtaking new insight to discover at all. You could argue that’s not necessary here, and you can also argue that the repetitiveness plays its role in order to drive home some points with extra pressure, but it doesn’t feel like that’s the case. The vibe is more like he was just spreading his ideas too thinly here. And who can blame him. Coming up with 366 different takes with real substance each is tough. I think it’s a task that overwhelmed him a bit, leading to this repetitiveness.

Compressed down to about 30 pages, it would have been a great read, though. Lots of good takes and nice little anecdotes from interesting people, little stories to learn from.

I got this physical book as a gift for Christmas 2024 and began the year of 2025 with the plan to really read a page per day. That didn’t work, though. In the end, I read big parts of it in bursts, like a full month in an hour or so, but the main chunk I devoured in November and December when I felt the year was coming to an end and I better hurry up now. True procrastination fashion of course, but the outcome was all the same: I got through it, taking out of it what I could.

As a side note, this has been a rare case in which I’ve read a physical book as opposed to a digital one on my e-reader, and I can’t say I liked going back to the experience. It’s just so impractical. I’m not convinced by the romantic argument, and nostalgia isn’t something that applies here for me. The smell of real paper doesn’t do it. Good to have re-established this, I think!

Would I recommend the book? I’m not so sure. It’s not a bad book, but it’s way too much text for way too little content. I think you’d be better off spending a few days thinking about what fatherhood or parenthood should mean to you, maybe read 2-3 specific books on the topic, and find out your individual weak spots to contemplate starting right then. The book could work well as a physical calendar with pages that need to be ripped off, but it would need condensing the ideas down from a whole page to just about 2-3 sentences, I suggest.

So now get ready for 366 sentences which I wrote in order to summarize the content. Let’s go!

January: Teach by Example

1. You’re the role model, the kids will do what you do
2. Same. They’ll follow your example
3. Their virtues and their vices are yours
4. How to lose with grace and keep cool
5. Decide to become a significant ancestor to your kids
6. Keep your kids in your mind for all decisions
7. They watch what you do and learn from what you do
8. Embody your values, do as you say
9. Childhood is a construct, but let them see you adulting
10. Teaching happens not with words but with being an example
11. Be the gift in someone else’s life
12. Embody your philosophy
13. There are lots of things you can do to change the world, try them all
14. Don’t be judgmental, the kids will copy it
15. Have self respect so others will respect you too
16. Fight for your kids’ sake, never let them down
17. Don’t lie, don’t be a hypocrite
18. Be exact and particular, leave no room for attack by coming prepared
19. If your kids do something bad, ask them if they’ve seen you do that
20. Make sure your kids see you do the things you want them to do
21. Pay attention to how you carry yourself: angry, bitter, and lost, or brave, tough, and proud?
22. Kids are always listening, even when they don’t seem to be listening
23. You can’t teach your kids something you don’t live up to
24. When they listen, wonderful things grow out of that
25. We must be what we wish our children to be
26. Your kids also learn about relationships from watching their parents’ behavior
27. Teaching and parenting happens in any situation all the time
28. Kids learn work ethics from parents
29. Apply your principles on how the world should work in your own household first
30. Kids themselves should get the credit for becoming great adults, parents the blame
31. Keep teaching your kids even when they are old adults

February: Love

1. You can create lots of damage by neglecting your children and nothing can restore it
2. Always say you love them
3. Love them always, no matter what they do
4. Be of service to them
5. Tell them they are enough
6. Be a disciplined parent, don’t prioritize other stuff when it gets in the way of parenting
7. Stand by them, especially if you don’t like their life choices
8. They don’t owe you anything and they are not here to make you proud
9. Love always works better than force and control
10. If they stray away and come back, be happy about it
11. Pits of emotions in you will only ever get opened by becoming a parent, it changes you
12. Love your child for who they are not who you want them to be, don’t compare them to their siblings
13. You can always give them your attention, your understanding, and your love when you have nothing else to give to them
14. The best thing you can do for your kids is to love your spouse (the other parent of your kids)
15. Attention and admiration are the things kids most want
16. Focus on the big picture: you want them to be happy and healthy, well adjusted to every situation, prepared for life and having good values
17. If you know about your child’s embarrassing secret, don’t let them know, just help and don’t lecture
18. Let your kids decide for themselves, have patience and understanding, but if you must, you can be a little bit sneaky and employ friends to help them realize mistakes
19. Talk to them in a way that assumes they have the best intentions
20. Your kids are rich if you pay attention to them and spend time with them, not if you’re just wealthy from a material point of view
21. When things are getting tough, they have to know that you will always have their backs
22. No matter where they go, make sure they know they carry your support with them
23. Their value is inherent, unconditional, only because they exist
24. Be there, be a part of their lives, give advice, lead by example, understand them, love them
25. Let them know you love them
26. Tell them you love them more often
27. Give your kids and your family all your love, they deserve it
28. Don’t stop, don’t despair, don’t give up: They are counting on you
29. You cannot undo what you’ve done, so take the second chances you’re getting

March: Family First

1. Work, family, friends: pick two. Parenting is about trade-offs
2. Nothing is more permanent than family, so family always matters more
3. A parent can never be a babysitter to their own kids
4. You have to be ready to make adjustments in your life around your most important job: parenting
5. Have specific, scheduled time for your kids during your busy days
6. Sacrificing your career to be there for your kids is sometimes necessary
7. You’re always filling the memory banks of your children with your actions—decide which ones
8. No job or career will ever be as important as being a parent
9. Success at the job feels great but never as great as success as a parent
10. You’re not the center of your world anymore and can’t decide what to do but it’s actually wonderful
11. Love equals time (spent with them)
12. Say yes to them when they want to embrace you no matter the circumstances
13. Your kids are your priority
14. Do you know your kids as well as possible?
15. Our kids’ needs are modest: just some undivided time with us
16. Putting family first requires struggle but is necessary
17. You won’t ever regret having taken the time to play with them
18. Kids come first, parents (and leaders) eat last after their needs are fulfilled
19. Kids deserve honesty
20. Don’t defer the opportunity to spend time with them
21. Spend more time on them and less money
22. Kids are not interrupting your work, they are your work
23. A child is the greatest creation you can ever bring into the world
24. Try to be the parent you wish you had had
25. Excuses never count for anything: be there
26. The importance of your kids eclipses the importance all the other things have
27. Teaching kids about being of use to others by being of use to others is okay
28. Your kids are part of your family in a way that they can also someday have your back
29. We can spend more time with our kids, we just have to be comfortable with making less money
30. When they need us we need to be there
31. Career is important but family is forever

April: Master Your Emotions

1. Control what you can control and do it the right way
2. Don’t bring the stress of other parts of your life home
3. We are watched by our ancestors, make them proud
4. Act like a thoughtful adult, but you can still be silly
5. They take up huge amounts in our hearts despite being so small — don’t forget how much help they still need
6. When you feel the need to immediately rush to a reaction, pause instead and let them figure out things themselves before helping
7. Your own parents certainly failed you at points, but you have to move on because your own kids need you
8. Have fewer opinions on the things your kids enjoy which you don’t
9. Leave the things that worry you outside of your house to keep the home clean
10. Learn to see the never-ending chores like a Buddhist mandala that’s created to be destroyed as a piece of art—ending that process would end it all
11. Keep your anger in check and don’t direct it on the people around you just because they happen to be there
12. Control the energy you bring, they can feel it—both negative and positive
13. Your kids’ behavior is their language when they don’t have the words for their feelings
14. Parenting is the hardest thing you’ll ever do, accept that
15. Try to see things from their perspective
16. It sounds simple, but many emotional problems stem from someone being hungry
17. Anger is never a good look on anyone
18. Push all the distractions away to be a present parent, as hard as it sometimes is
19. Every crisis and disappointment is a chance to bring you closer together
20. Our job is to love and be patient with them, not to expect them to become amazing
21. There is no situation ever when physical violence is justified
22. When they misbehave in front of you it actually means they are feeling so safe with you, they trust you completely
23. Kids don’t understand cause and effect yet, don’t thrust them away because of it, rather try and absorb the consequences until they learn
24. Imagine someone else parenting your kids they way you do, how would you react to their behavior?
25. When you feel bad emotions taking over in yourself, delay and breathe to calm yourself down
26. Your kids will sometimes need you to be kind and patient in crucially difficult times for them—it is your reaction they might remember for all their lives
27. You’re the voice inside your kids heads later on, be aware of that and catch yourself in time
28. Remember what you really care about: their safety, happiness, well-being—not clean walls or furniture
29. Dial back the criticism, at the end of your life you’ll never be glad you have argued so much, so relax
30. Reserve your patience and kindness for your family first before using it up on everyone else

May: Character Is Fate

1. Everything is downstream from having a good character and it is built at home
2. Your character influences your kids’ character most—it’s their baseline of what they consider normal
3. Nourish them to stand firmly behind what they think is right and good
4. Teach them by example the four cardinal virtues: Courage, Moderation, Justice, Wisdom
5. Everything we do is teaching them, so behave how you want them to behave
6. Cleaning up after yourselves like the All Blacks is a statement of pride and commitment to do things properly
7. Be careful with overly praising them because it creates an Ego
8. If you need to punish them, come up with punishment that makes them better such as chores, vocab training, sit-ups
9. Introduce them to the world of books and try to make them love it
10. Live honorable, treat people well, teach honesty and reliability
11. Be one of the good guys and see things from your kids’ fresh perspective
12. Navigate life through how it feels to you not how it looks to other people
13. Ask your kids what good/kind thing they did today
14. Teach your kids not to compare themselves to others, but to themselves only
15. Remember how many others have been less fortunate, build empathy
16. Kindness ripples through—people you treat kindly will also be kinder to others
17. Giving 100% and filling the full minute is the right way
18. Doing the right thing and being decent is something only you do and not hold others accountable for
19. Don’t reply to insults with meanness, be kind instead
20. Kids don’t just turn out okay, they are made and molded—you cannot slack and hope for the best
21. Teach them to stand by those who are wronged
22. Whatever bad happens, it can usually be overcome using hard work, honesty, and compassion
23. It’s harder but better to try to rather be kind than clever
24. Everyone encounters cruel, stupid, and evil people, but most people are good
25. Education in school is just part of it, only the right values make it valuable
26. You can choose the values you want your kids to live by and teach them to them
27. Teach them how what you do always also affects other people
28. We all come from a tradition, our family tree, but we can choose the ancestor to look at for guidance ourselves
29. Think always about the other people who are suffering
30. Your actions affect the way your children will have to live
31. Good character and a life well lived full of doing good is more important than success

June: Don’t Neglect Yourself

1. You can’t be a good parent if you don’t take care of yourself and never ask for help
2. Your mood affects others, be aware of it
3. Don’t give up on your own dreams even though you’re living for your spouse, kids, and family
4. Protect your mental health and treat it like mental wealth, it’s the basis for everything else
5. Don’t sacrifice your health for your kids, they won’t profit from that long-term
6. When shared between both parents, parenting becomes possible
7. Protect some focused alone-time each day to accomplish what’s important
8. The moments when you’re just being a dad are precious, so stay in the present
9. Structure and routine is important for everyone, kids and parents alike
10. You are capable of change and can grow as a person alongside your kids
11. A bit of silly craziness should have its room every day
12. We all have our problems and issues, but that doesn’t prevent us from making progress
13. We can do the therapeutical work on us so they don’t have to
14. If you fail and lose your cool one time, just take a breath and start trying better tomorrow
15. You can get and pay for help so that you have more time with your kids, because that can’t be bought
16. Keep your word
17. Find your people, you become like the people you spend most of your time with
18. Being available at all times also means to stay aware when they are not around
19. There is stillness to be found within the chaos, in those precious minutes between the storms
20. Access the child within you with your kids and just enjoy the simple things sometimes
21. The fact that you wonder if you’re a good parent means you care about it
22. Value your sleep and go to bed earlier, everyone benefits from that
23. Parenting is like strength training: growth through overcoming resistance
24. We all screw up, it happens, but tomorrow hasn’t happened yet
25. Nothing is permanent, there is always potential for development, never give up
26. Face your flaws so you don’t transmit them over to your kids
27. Avoid the screen sickness, go outside and leave the phone home
28. When you’re not actively trying to develop yourself, you’re declining and will stop to care
29. Don’t use having become a parent as an excuse to give up on your hobbies and dreams, keep doing them
30. Be open about the struggle, help other parents and accept help yourself

July: Help Them Become Who They Are

1. Genetics aren’t as important as putting in the work and training
2. We have to allow kids to become who they are, not who we want them to be
3. Expose your kids to lots of things and help them be curious and discover all
4. Whatever they choose to be and like, support them and not resent them
5. Take the time to show them what interests them
6. Keep the fire in their eyes lit
7. It doesn’t matter what baggage they have to carry from birth, but what you make of them
8. Choose wisely the interests you want to nourish in your kids
9. It’s your job to love everything about your kids, especially the bits they don’t
10. Put them in the line that helps them succeed, even if that means changing lines sometimes
11. If they feel a pull towards something they enjoy, let them be pulled
12. Don’t judge them too quickly, talents sometimes sit deeply hidden
13. Teach them how to make good decisions by giving them choices all the time to practice
14. The world changes, be open and adjust to it
15. Try to be interested in their interests, you’ll have the chance to connect over it
16. Original ideas are more valuable than getting good grades
17. Lead by example to show them what’s possible
18. Shame is sometimes unnecessarily obstructing individual development
19. Your kids should only compare themselves to themselves, not others
20. Show them to follow their curiosity with assertiveness
21. Let them be who they are even if you don’t like it
22. Show them the way with gentle nudges, not force
23. Instead of saying no all the time, advise them in the things they do want to do
24. Try to find out what they want to tell you, underlying in certain statements
25. Don’t live through them and make them become who you were
26. We all are what we do, so we need to watch what we make our kids do
27. Even though it’s annoying, encourage them to ask “Why?” often
28. They need space, give them enough free time to breathe
29. Don’t force interests on your kids, don’t stand in their way
30. We are not entitled to anything, we can only control how hard we try
31. Guide them to know when their time comes and to be able to answer the call

August: Always Be a Fan

1. Encourage them to dream big and be there to help them reach them
2. They don’t need a lot, only you being a fan and believing in them
3. Empower them by focusing on their strengths, not their weaknesses
4. Celebrate what they’re doing right, don’t minimize their achievements
5. Their motivation should come from positive things, not from wanting to make anyone proud
6. If you only ever put up rules, you’ll say only “no” to your kids
7. Playing with your kids is everything
8. Don’t keep your positive feelings hidden, tell them you’re proud of them now
9. Things are made to be used, because you’re raising kids and not things
10. Be part of making the mess, don’t just set up rules and then try to control the mess
11. The voice in our head comes from our parents
12. If your kid is already having fun, don’t try to further optimize anything
13. How you describe your kids in front of them will stay with them forever
14. Don’t live through them but try to see what their goals are
15. Parenting is easy in the way that it requires you only to love them—everything else is downstream from that
16. Believe in them and fight for them, you’re the cheerleader
17. People need pats on the back sometimes, especially from their parents
18. When playing with them, you’re the toy, let them have the control
19. Speak up for your kids, be the one to have their back
20. Give them permission to try and permission to fail
21. If they don’t care about something you feel they should, don’t make that your problem
22. Find the balance between encouragement and pushing them to do their best
23. Give your kids infinite patience and discipline
24. Encourage them to become somebody and do something because life is a gift
25. The world is going to put up enough roadblocks for them, don’t be one of those
26. You’re the one who has to reach out to them
27. Put your kids first, even if that sometimes means making sacrifices
28. Don’t show off your kids to improve your status, especially not on social media
29. We want them to win, but stay respectful and responsible during it
30. The environment we put them into is everything, sometimes a change is required
31. Root for them especially when it’s difficult to do so, and always

September: Raise a Reader

1. Build and use your brain always, because the smart ones win
2. We learn best through stories
3. Introduce them to the world of ideas, learning, and books
4. Give them the tools early on, before they can resist loving to learn
5. Debating interesting philosophical questions at the dinner table makes everyone want to join in
6. Get your kids to read by reading yourself
7. The great stories inspire the kids to become great, too
8. Toys are vessels for ideas and get kids interested
9. Teach your kids to pay attention to the world by using games
10. When they playfully create something, don’t rush to point out its flaws, but celebrate its beauty
11. Cultivate curiosity by being curious and asking questions
12. Education is always worth the investment
13. Using their brains isn’t a given for everyone, teach them how to unlock that
14. Books are not one-way conversations, they are meant to be discussed, criticized, thought about
15. Make the room for your kids to explore their curiosities
16. Some books have to come at the right moment, the right age—give yourself time
17. Access to books in whatever form is paramount
18. Schools don’t teach some of the most important skills, so us parents have to do that: public speaking, debate, proper communication
19. Teach curiosity by showing curiosity
20. Allow them to follow their curiosity, it’s a big advantage later in life
21. Try to answer each question to the best of your abilities, the more they ask, the better
22. Get them into books by starting them on the ones that have immediate pay-offs, like entertainment, new skills
23. Never make fun of someone mispronouncing a word they have only ever seen written
24. Lifelong learning must be shown, it’s not all over with graduation
25. Expose your kids to the elderly who have learned painful lessons or accomplished something wonderful
26. Recital and memorization are inferior to understanding what something means
27. Life is an infinite game without a goal post, live it like that
28. Books need to be everywhere in your house, readily accessible, all kinds of books
29. They are capable of reading and understanding much heavier books than we think
30. Prioritize that your kids find themselves passion projects over getting better grades

October: Struggle and Emerge

1. We have to allow them to struggle and overcome adversity in order to have a good life, not an easy one
2. Allow your kids to make mistakes, to learn some lessons on their own
3. Teach them to control what they can control and put their energy towards their own responses to externalities
4. If you do everything for your kids, you shouldn’t be wondering when they turn out to be helpless
5. Be a guide to them and find the balance in letting them learn and doing it for them
6. Teach them to not accept bad cards they have been dealt but to do something about it
7. Not much matters if they don’t turn out to be self-sufficient
8. Don’t be a manager, be a parent
9. Resilience and toughness have to be taught
10. When they reach their limits, we need to be the ally to guide them to grow
11. When they fail we need to pick them up to reach new heights
12. Teach them to see the opportunity in every obstacle, to use hardship as fuel
13. Make them prove their claims, show them how to gather evidence
14. Pain is part of life, don’t deny it
15. Sometimes, twenty seconds of insane bravery is required
16. Even in highly stressful situations, remind yourself that there is good to be found in everything
17. A great parent does anything for their kids, not everything
18. Help them find ways to answer their tough questions, curiosity is the start to a great adventure
19. Teach them how to help themselves, that everything can be figured out
20. Holding on too tight means to hold them back
21. The struggle is part of the learning, let them struggle for a bit
22. You decide if you or your kids have been harmed or just affected, it’s all about the framing
23. Encourage them to try to do things for themselves and fail to learn
24. Providing your kids with a happy childhood is your number one goal, but it doesn’t mean it’s easy
25. Spoiling them will make them unpleasant people: all things in moderation except love
26. Let them be bored and have time to themselves to cultivate independence
27. Be open to your kids about the internal battles you’ve faced so they can understand you better
28. If you’ve survived some kind of hardship you know you can take on more
29. When problems beyond your control arise, greet them with “good” you now have an opportunity to grow
30. You can’t control what bad things other people do, but you can sit through it with dignity and strength
31. Your job is to teach your kid to become self-sufficient and not prevent them from ever failing

November: Give Thanks and Build Bonds

1. Remember that every parent has the same experience in loving their children more than anything
2. Be grateful for every day you get to spend with them, it could be your last
3. If it’s hard to express your love, just say you’re glad you’re all here
4. Every kid is a blessing and an opportunity to grow for us
5. Keeping thoughts of gratitude on the surface puts the bad stuff that happens in perspective
6. The daily inconveniences can be used as opportunities to spend time together
7. You’re responsible for raising the next generation, so you have to instill hope in them
8. Teach them that coming to you with their problems will make things better for them, not worse
9. Be the person to them whom they will want to visit
10. Being a parent and all that comes with it is timeless and knows no borders, we’re all experiencing the same
11. Everything we do, we do for our family, and it’s the best
12. As a parent you’re living the meaningful, the good life, no need to be jealous of anyone else
13. Driving your kids around is not a chore but a privilege to spend time together
14. You want them close to you later in life, so be a pleasant person to be around
15. Learn to see things from their perspectives
16. Pay closer attention to the things they enjoy
17. Show them how you work, it inspires them
18. Build the kind of relationship where your kids want to spend time with you
19. Time with kids is scarce, find it in unusual places
20. We’d do a lot for our spouse but we’d do anything for our kids
21. Parenting is most important when it’s hard and requires the courage
22. Remind them that everyone is going through something when they currently are
23. Don’t let arguments get in the way of a close family bond
24. Search for the opportunities to spend time with them, for example by driving them around
25. Let them keep their passions and don’t take them away with cynicism
26. Kids help in not letting you become arrogant by making fun of you
27. In tough situations, keep calm and remind yourself of how good you have it
28. Family doesn’t hold you back, it makes you better at what you do
29. Their exposed vulnerability in front of you is a sign of trust and love and must be earned
30. The opportunities you feel you missed in life brought you to what you really wanted, a family of your own

December: Time Flies

1. Every day, every minute can be special if you make it: it’s the garbage time that counts
2. Every day with them happens only once, cherish it
3. Remember you could lose them at any second
4. Never wish that time with your kids would go over sooner, you only have such a limited amount of it with them
5. At moments where their growth is apparent (hair dresser, bigger clothes, trimming nails) remind yourself of the time passing and spending it well
6. If you knew you’d die in a year’s time, what activities would you eliminate?
7. You can find the time to do anything, you just have to want it
8. Say yes even if they want to do it for the thousandth time, because you never know how much you have left
9. Imagine what you might regret not doing when on your deathbed, and do that now
10. Slow down and don’t rush through life, you’ll miss the important things
11. Don’t look towards an end result with your kids, look towards the present with them
12. Find the little pockets of time in everyday tasks you can spend with your kids
13. Enjoy the little moments in between
14. Resist the urge to hurry and be in the moment instead
15. Always be in the present, it’s all you’ve got
16. Life is short and your kids matter, do the things now with your kids
17. Those special childhood moments could be every moment, be there and create them
18. Each day be glad they woke up
19. The days you’re in now you will be longing for in the future, so make the most of them
20. Every words could be your last, choose them wisely
21. Remember that everything will end, make the most of it
22. Prioritize time with your kids
23. Don’t put things off, it could be over any day
24. Your kids don’t care about the material stuff as much as they care about spending time with you
25. Success is when your kids want to spend time with you when they’re older
26. Don’t try to stop time
27. Spend the time with them while they’re young
28. Disease could get you any moment, make the most of your healthy days
29. Success as a parent means that your family comes together
30. The only thing you can always do is keep on caring
31. Each ending and new beginning marks the passage of time, let us begin anew with our mistakes put behind us